Splendora

I was looking through a sketchbook and found this one:

 

It probably requires a story for clarity.

Over a year ago, (December 9, 2006 to be exact) I went to Mississippi Pizza, with some friends, to check out the first annual Queer Quistmas. What is a Queer Quistmas? I have no idea. Perhaps it’s a drag show with a Christmas theme. I don’t know. There’s performance art, stories, singing, and queers.

Before this trip, I was hanging out on Division, at the (smoke infested) E Room. I had never been, and I was told I should go, so I went, and later on I was told I should not have gone, and should never return… It was at the E Room, where I had one too many rum and cokes, which is why the rest of the night is a big blur. Actually, I only had two, but my second rum and coke had more rum than coke. I was advised, by a girl in my party, to order a coke. So, I went up to the bar and asked for a coke. When I returned, she poured half my coke in to an empty cup and told me, and another friend, to follow her. Being the naive child that I am, I had no clue what was going on. We walked into the non-gender specific bathroom and locked the door behind us. Inside the seedy space, she pulled out a plastic bottle of Schweppes’ ginger ale. Soon I found out that the content of that green bottle was not ginger ale, but rum. We held out our glasses of coke, and one by one, she filled them up to the rims with rum. I’m pretty sure there was more rum than coke in those glasses. Before screwing the lid back on, she took one big swig from the bottle and afterwards, she unlatched the door, and we found our way back to the table. When we finished our drinks we decided it was time to move on to the next event. When I stood up, I realized just how drunk I was.

This brings us to a Queer Quistmas. When we arrived, the show had already begun. Splendora, the hostess of the show, was on stage. I don’t recall what was being said. I remember being squished between the girl with the ginger ale bottle and some girl named Debbie. My head was spinning and someone was handing me a chocolate cake shot. So, because I suffered from memory loss that night, here are the things I do remember (in no particular order):

1. Splendora read to us (the adult audience) as if we were 1st graders, a “sexy rendition” of “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. There was a lot of laughter in the crowd, probably from the sexy jokes that I don’t remember. I didn’t laugh because I was incoherent.
2. Someone dressed up like Freddie Mercury came on stage to sing. At first, I actually thought it was Freddie, but then I took a moment and said to myself, “Oh, yeah, that’s right, he died.” But, I give the performer two enthusiastic thumbs up for his costume and performance. He was sportin’ the white jeans, Adidas superstars, the wife beater, exposed hairy chest, mustache, and he even had the microphone attached to half of the microphone stand. Impressive.
3. Splendora sang that song in Annie, called “Little Girls.” I really, really wanted her to do it with the hiccups like Carol Burnett did it in the 1982 musical film, but she didn’t.
4. The girl with the rum whispered profanity into my ear
5. Just Say No to Rum & Coke